Every retiring soldier is entitled to a bonus

It’s demob time in the army, and as things have gone so well there’s a new wheeze.

“Every retiring soldier is entitled to a bonus,” says the captain.

“You’ll be awarded £10 for every centimeter measured between the two body parts of your choice.

Private, you’re first.”

“I’ll have it measured from my feet to the top of my head,” he says.

Out comes the tape, and it comes to 175cm, so he leaves £1750 richer.

“Corporal?”

The corporal’s a lanky guy, so he chooses to be measured from the tip of one outstretched hand to the other.

A few minutes later he’s £1830 to the good.

“Right, sergeant, you’re the last.”

“I’ll take it as the distance from my left eye to my right eye.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely.”

He takes off his sunglasses and the captain steps up.

“Hang on, sergeant, where’s your right eye?”

“I left it at the battle of Jebel,” the sergeant says.

“I’ll take a cheque.”