Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” Asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies “Well, does your tool touch your bastard?”
Johnny replied “No.” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his Grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” Asks Johnny.
“Does your weapon touch your bastard?”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” Asked the grandpa.
“Does your weapon touch your bastard, grandpa?”
“Then go bang yourself, this is my cookie