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My son’s teacher has been giving him poor marks for grammar. At a parent-teacher conference, she was really lording it over me. “You know, I consulted...
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy. “Magic beer,” he...
A bartender is working one evening, when a panicked man comes charging into his bar. “BIG JAKE’S COMIN’!” he cries. “EVERYBODY RUN! BIG JAKE’S COMIN’!” The...
A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I’m constipated.” The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, “Lean over the table.”...
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect. They end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and he shows...
Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every...
A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. He says to the other patrons, “Here’s the deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and insert my genitals....
3 sailors get stranded on an island and get captured by a cannibal gang The sailors plead with the king to spare their lives so the...
Three guys are sitting around the campfire… …exchanging their worst experiences. The first guy says the worst thing that ever happened to him was, he was...
An old lady on the bus overhears two Italian men talking… To her horror, she hears the first man say: “Emma come first. Den I come....
There was once a man who was looking to create a new idiom. He was having trouble thinking of one, so he decided to look around...
A college professor had just finished explaining how important it was that a research project be turned in on time. He said there were only two...
A lady goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. One particular parrot is extremely cheap. She asks the pet shop owner why. The owner...
A mother takes her daughter to a clinic She tells the doctor that her daughter has been having terrible nausea in the morning, lost her appetite,...
A couple decide to take their young daughter to zoo one weekend While standing around the elephant exhibit the little girl notice that the big bull...
Ted was a young boy who used to spend all of his time playing sports and making music. He never went on the computer because his...
A guy visits a carnival and amongst the merry-go-rounds, vendors and performers he spots a man with a tiny pony. He walks up to the man...
A Husband was a bit embarrassed and told the Doctor he had trouble getting an nerve with his Wife and she was getting frustrated. The Doc...
A man whose wife was pregnant couldn’t bear to be in the delivery room at the time of the birth. So he thought he’d ring up...
Three ducks went to court after being arrested When the judge calls upon the first duck, he asks him, “what’s your name?” The duck responds, “Quack.”...
